Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
