Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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