I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want to fling myself into the sun
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
