Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
