Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
