I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
