Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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