3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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