i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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