to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
