I could have mohawked her pubes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
