i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
