I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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