I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
