I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
