Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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