i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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