She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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