That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
