you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
