Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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