I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
