R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
