Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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