Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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