Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
