Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
