Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
