apparently the secret to your success is patron
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
