He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize