in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Be still, my beating vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
