Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
