And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
