How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
