complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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