OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
