My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
