I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
