You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
