so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
