i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
