im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
