i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
