My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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