Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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