In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
