just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
