Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
