I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
