im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
