So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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