on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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