I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
