She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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