is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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