I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
