no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
