She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
