I accidentally had phone sex last night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
