Having a random hookup so left but love u
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
