Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
