Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
