You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
