i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
