I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
