I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
