i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he thought i was a dude.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My feet surprised me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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