im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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