Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
