By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
