Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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