YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
