i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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