I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
