I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
